{"id":2926,"date":"2015-11-29T12:25:07","date_gmt":"2015-11-29T12:25:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/faithhopeandfiction.com\/?p=2926"},"modified":"2022-06-07T14:13:09","modified_gmt":"2022-06-07T19:13:09","slug":"the-dream-staircase","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/faithhopeandfiction.com\/content\/the-dream-staircase\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dream Staircase"},"content":{"rendered":"
Essay by<\/h5>\n

Dallas Woodburn<\/a><\/h3>\n

<\/p>\n

The sliver of light wanted to flood the darkness away. I closed my eyes and imagined my bedroom filling with light.<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

A<\/span> s a writer, I\u2019ve always been interested in dreams\u2014I see them as narratives our subconscious selves weave about our lives. So when my friend Tania told me she was taking a class in dream interpretation at the community college, I couldn\u2019t wait to hear more as we hiked together on a mountain trail that overlooked the ocean. It was a gorgeous summer day, and we stopped at an outlook to gaze at the sparkling blue water far below.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m fascinated by dreams, although I\u2019ve never done dream interpretation myself,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s good, because I want to ask you a favor,\u201d Tania continued. \u201cI was wondering if I could analyze one of your dreams.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t remembered one in a while,\u201d I told her.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d Tania said, \u201cif you remember one of your dreams, let me know?\u201d<\/p>\n

I promised I would.<\/p>\n

Less than a week later, I jerked awake in my pitch-black bedroom, heart pounding. Numbers on the clock glowed 3:45 a.m. The dream\u2014a nightmare\u2014still felt so real, so vivid, I was afraid of sinking back down into it if I dared close my eyes. Instead, I got out of bed, turned on my light, and read for half an hour to calm down.<\/p>\n

The next morning as I ate breakfast, the dream flashed through my mind. I briefly considered telling Tania, but that only seemed like I would be giving the dream more power, more attention, more brain-space. I yearned for it to just fade away. I told myself I would let Tania analyze the next dream I remembered.<\/p>\n

But I had the nightmare again. And again. And again.<\/p>\n

By the fourth time, I knew this was no coincidence. I was dreaming this dream for a reason. I needed to meet with Tania to figure out what it meant.<\/p>\n

We met at her house on a weekday morning, settling down side-by-side on her comfy couch like this was any other visit. She had asked me to write a paragraph about what happened in the dream. I wrote:<\/p>\n

I wake up in my bedroom (but I am only dreaming about waking up) and I know immediately that someone is in my house. I see a strip of light under my bedroom door. Feeling uneasy, I get out of bed and open the door. Tim is standing there. Even though he doesn\u2019t say anything, I can tell he is angry and I feel afraid. I try to flee past him, down the stairs, but he is blocking my way. Then I wake up, for real this time.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I finished reading it aloud, Tania looked at me with compassion and concern in her eyes. I knew I made the right decision to share this dream with her.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you talked to Tim recently?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not for months. Not since I moved back home.\u201d Tim was my ex-fianc\u00e9; I had broken off our engagement earlier that spring for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was his temper.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn the class I\u2019m taking,\u201d Tania explained, \u201cwe are taught that every person and item you see in your dream is representative of you. For example, when you see ‘Tim’ in your dream, it\u2019s not actually Tim\u2014it\u2019s you. The emotions you feel and he feels in the dream all stem from your own psyche.\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded, though I wasn\u2019t sure I agreed. I mean, Tim had seemed so clear in my dream\u2014and so clearly him<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Tania continued, \u201cYou have a recurring dream when your inner self is trying to work through something important. We unlock meaning by talking through the dream and making space for difficult conversations.\u201d<\/p>\n

She asked me to imagine the various items from my dream \u201csitting\u201d with us in the room: me, Tim, my darkened bedroom, the sliver of light under the door, and the staircase. Next, she instructed me to have a conversation with each item, speaking about what emotions I felt in the dream. I was to start by sitting on the couch as myself, and then physically get up and move around the room to speak as each object.<\/p>\n

At first, I balked. It seemed silly, and I wasn\u2019t sure what to say. What emotions would my bedroom feel, for example? But with Tania\u2019s gentle, guiding questions, I began to relax and embrace the activity. I decided that my room was comforting and dark, like a cocoon. The sliver of light under the door was hopeful and bright. The stairs were sturdy and optimistic.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do they want?\u201d Tania asked.<\/p>\n

The sliver of light wanted to flood the darkness away. I closed my eyes and imagined my bedroom filling with light. The stairs wanted to take me onto the next chapter of my life. I imagined walking past Tim, down the stairs, and away.<\/p>\n

The turning point came not when I spoke to \u201cTim\u201d as myself\u2014describing my dread, confusion, and fear\u2014but when I sat down in the place I had designated as \u201cTim\u201d and spoke as him, in his<\/em> voice. As Tim, I spoke about how devastated I felt about our break-up, and how frustrated and helpless the whole situation made me. \u201cI don\u2019t understand why you called off our engagement,\u201d I said as Tim. \u201cI am angry at you, Dallas, but I would never hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tania instructed me to get up and sit in my own designated spot again. \u201cWhat do you want to say to Tim?\u201d she asked me.<\/p>\n

\u201cI want to tell him that I\u2019m sorry,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo tell him that,\u201d Tania urged.<\/p>\n

Gazing at the empty chair that symbolized my ex-fianc\u00e9, I could clearly imagine him sitting there. \u201cTim, I want you to know that I\u2019m sorry,\u201d I said. \u201cEven if you never understand my decision, I hope one day you can forgive me.\u201d Tears streamed down my face as I choked out, \u201cGoodbye.\u201d<\/p>\n

In real life, our break-up had been a complete mess. There had been so much rage and pain and fear that we had never talked like this. I hadn\u2019t been able to tell Tim I was sorry. I hadn\u2019t been able to say a real goodbye.<\/p>\n

Still crying, I moved over to the chair and said as Tim, \u201cIt\u2019s okay, Dallas. I forgive you.\u201d<\/p>\n

In that moment, a weight released inside me. I hadn\u2019t even realized I was holding onto that weight until it was gone. I felt so much lighter.<\/p>\n

That night, I had another dream featuring Tim. Only this dream was different. Instead of night, it was bright daylight. Instead of feeling afraid, I felt hopeful. I was walking down a long staircase, and Tim was walking up the staircase towards me. As we squeezed by each other, I smiled and he nodded hello. Then he continued on his way up the stairs, and I continued on my way down.<\/p>\n

At the bottom of the staircase, there was a door. I opened it, and stepped outside into the fresh air of a sunny morning.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
\n

Dallas Woodburn,<\/strong> a recent Steinbeck Fellow in Creative Writing, has published fiction and nonfiction in Fourth River, The Nashville Review, The Los Angeles Times, North Dakota Quarterly, Passages North,<\/em> and Monkeybicycle,<\/em> among others. A three-time Pushcart Prize nominee, she won second place in the American Fiction Prize and her work appears in American Fiction Volume 13: The Best Unpublished Short Stories by American Writers<\/em> (New Rivers Press). She blogs frequently at Daybydaymasterpiece.com<\/a> and you can connect with her on Facebook @WriterDallas and on Twitter @DallasWoodburn. She is the founder of Write On! For Literacy, an organization that empowers young people through reading and writing endeavors: Writeonbooks.org<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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